Now that I got you here with my beautiful click-bait title that I would only assume would land me with a dope desk at Buzzfeed's head quarters I'd like to talk to you about grace. But don't worry non christians this one is more about the grace we show each other as humans.
We were sitting in the front seat of a car in the middle of a car wash. In the midst of a, more than likely, long day as car detailers for a dealership. Then I said the "Fuck" word. After a beat my co-worker turned to me and asked how, as a christian, am I allowed to curse.
We hated this job, well at least I did, and it wasn't uncommon for us to incessantly complain throughout our work days. I assumed I was just doing my part to grow our archive of chief complaints at the point in which I said this, but it's also not an uncommon thing for me to curse. Because of this I was confused by his response. Seemingly out of the blue he was perplexed by the pairing of my faith and my laissez faire relationship with the english language. And I was mortified that something that I saw as so minuscule was a black mark against my life as a christian.
(Still to this day I don't see cursing as a sin. However, that is not what this post is about. If you want me to explain my views on the issue let me know and I would be happy to and you can let me know how off base I am. But then again I've never really had much feed back on these blogs outside of my friends so if you're feeling frisky let me know.)
This left a bad taste in my mouth. Part of me was upset at myself that my life wasn't a good example of Jesus and that I drove away a man who didn't really know God. The other part was upset that this person thought I wasn't a Christian just because I said a word that the world has deemed as bad. A word Jesus's day and age had yet to hear. This was over six years ago and still sticks in the back of my head.
Six years ago and you're still dwelling on it? Yes, tiny man I picture in my head that argues with me. Something has been weighing heavy on my life over the past few months. I have made a lot of mistakes over my life time. Some the whole world could see, if it was paying attention. And some only one other person could see. And some in which I rode solo.
Everyone makes mistakes though right? It should be something that people understand. A folly, a misstep, a slight against another person. These are easily understood and each of us makes them. There should be compassion, there should be grace. However, we choose to tear each other apart for anything big and small.
To be vulnerable with you guys really quick I'll tell you that one of my biggest issues of life is women. And this has turned out to be the group of people that I inflict the most damage upon. Rooting from my indefinite loneliness and my fear of commitment I have strung girls along and ended up hurting them when my sober, unclouded mind took in the whole situation. I tell you this not to brag that I get a lot of girls and I'm so awesome that I obviously end up hurting them. But I tell you this to show you that I have been pretty awful to many people, but that does not make me an awful person.
My actions in these situations were fueled out of a place of brokenness. A place that I think we all have. Whether it's loneliness like mine is, or some other area that can take over your mind, we can become clouded and therefore make decisions that we will wholly regret soon after.
In the Christian faith the way a soul is saved is by accepting Christ into your life and accepting what him dying on the cross really represented. His death and resurrection was the ultimate act of Grace. The human race took the gift of life and earth for granted and their everyday actions spat in the face of what God wanted for them. Until finally God relieved us from the ultimate consequence of our transgressions. Every day we are forgiven and shown Grace for the awful things we do in this world.
No one you know is perfect. You're not perfect. Just because some one is in a position you see as powerful doesn't make them perfect. And no one should be held to that. I'm sure many of you know this but just because someone is a Christian does not make them a perfect or even good person. All of these people are just as messed up as you and me.
This is not a call to give Christians a pass on being shitty people. And it's not a call to give the everyday person a pass on being shitty people. It's more a call on understanding that no one is perfect and that we're all going to make mistakes and treat people poorly. I'm asking you to take a step back and look at the situation and attempt to visualize yourself in their space and try to get a context with what may have made them do the things that they did. Only then can we move forward in life without malice and contempt towards your neighbors. To free yourself from that burden is such a lightening action. Life without grudges is a life that isn't weighing you down. Please go out and live and mess up everyday. Forgive yourself and forgive others.
"Therefore confess your sins to each other and pray for each other so that you may be healed..."
- James 5: 16 (NIV)
Thank you and God Bless.
Saturday, September 12, 2015
Wednesday, December 31, 2014
Close But No Cigar (Part II)
I was just coming off of a very successful tour and the first real one of our band's still very young career. I was feeling bright and airy about the future. I didn't take that mouse falling as any bad sign. After all God has never really spoken to me in that fashion. It's always been in a much more subtle fashion so I didn't think much of it. However, I ended up only playing one more show with that band. Haymaker straight to my unclenched jaw. Life, which only months prior was so loving to me, just sent me to the mat unconscious. It's not worth getting into why I'm no longer in the band since we're all still very good friends; so why dig up an event that none of us likes to think about? But by mid-February I was no longer doing something I loved and something I had so much of my heart and dreams invested in. Right before it really ramped up. Right before we flew to Europe for a tour. Close but no cigar. This life event sent me into my first real bout with depression. I thought I had experienced it before but now but, because of this instance, I now know I have and I never want to go back there. It didn't help that it was winter and it didn't help that I didn't have a job. Many days I would get out of bed just to go to the living room, curl back up in a blanket and just watch Netflix until it got dark and then just went back to bed.
The Year of Close But No Cigar raged on with a lot of things in my life. I eventually got a job working construction for a few months and then a job as a barista at a bakery. They paid the bills and weren't awful, but they weren't anything exciting really. I turned 24 years old in April, officially in my mid-20s and what did I have to show for it. At that point I was single, poor, and working a part time job. If you know me any kind of well you know my real only definition of "success" in my life would be to have a family, a wife and kids, and be able to provide for them. It may seem like a life-given, and a basic and attainable thing but that's what I want. My love life has always been very up and down and has only resulted in one real relationship in my adulthood. 2014 was no different. I went on dates, I talked to girls and I thought I was close to something a few times. I guess just close but no cigar.
Then I got an offer from my friends in The Color Morale to go on Warped Tour with them to sell merch. I jumped at the opportunity because I love touring so much no matter what job I have while out on the road. I love Warped Tour and this summer was a shining light in an otherwise dark year. But even this light was fairly dim. As much as I loved the tour and the summer, everyday was riddled with what could of been. Mainly because on the tour was the band I used to play in. I was on Warped again but not in the fashion I thought I would be. At the Cincinnati date I joined them on stage and performed a song called "Dead." Realistically the oldest song we had as a band. I realize now that this was a turning point in my year. As I write this I'm struck with how symbolic the title of the song is. Dead were the the things I did the year before. Not a despicable death but finally laying them to rest. I wasn't immediately cured of all poor feelings because, as most deaths, there is a mourning period. And if you really loved something it will always be with you surfacing every so often. But my negative feelings and sadness were beginning to lift. Life may have knocked me down but I was starting to pick myself up off the mat.
While I was out for the summer the lease on my place back home ran out and Jesse and my dad moved us out of our place and put all of my things into a storage unit. For the next four months I lived on peoples couches and out of my car. I can't thank God enough for putting people into my life that would let me do this. I am very blessed. However, over this four month period that felt like an eternity, I was constantly looking for places to live. No matter what house I found, though, things kept falling through. Whether it was more expensive than I thought, whether it was in a worse neighborhood than I thought, whether it was smaller than I thought, or even whether if one of my potential roommates had to bail, something kept getting in the way of moving into a new place.
This was not my first time living by the grace of my friends so I was very aware that I could learn a lot from this season in my life. Once I got beyond the bitterness of yet another roadblock in me achieving anything desirable in this mess of a year things started looking up. I made it my goal to get my mind to a place that wasn't hinging on the circumstances in my life. It's funny how my life the past three years has centered around revelations surrounding this verse:
"Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding. In all your ways acknowledge Him and He shall direct your paths." - Proverbs 3: 5-6
I was reading a portion of Donald Miller's book, "Father Fiction," the other day. He goes into the loving nature of God our father. With the analogy of our earthly fathers relating to their children. Just because a child wants something does not mean it is good for him. Just because I asked my dad for a plate of chocolate chip cookies doesn't mean he had to give them to me. And if I disobeyed and reached up myself he would more than likely slap my hand away. Not because he's mean or doesn't love me but because he knows if I eat a whole batch of chocolate chip cookies I would soon be ralphing it all up from a sugar overkill. And if I was able to sneak one behind his back and he found out then I was for sure headed for time out. This whole year was full of me asking God for things, and wondering why he kept teasing me with these things and taking them away from me. When I really look back he wasn't teasing. He tried to remove these things in my life that were not good for me and I still pursued them and was able to get close to them myself. Until ultimately, when my hand got close to the cookies, he would slap my hand back.
Those punches I thought I was taking this year were just his guiding hand slapping me back into place. And some of these dark times I went through was me just being put into time out. I always forget this and have to relearn it when I come back to these adversities, but sometimes God needs to cut off some of the branches from your tree of life because they are detrimental to your well being. It will hurt, it can be seemingly catastrophic but it is to remove the things infecting you.
I have a really great job now that I never thought I would be doing and could never do if I was still touring. That's not to say I'll never go on the road again because who really knows but I'm stable now. I live in a nice place with two of my very good friends and I'm comfortable now. I'm happy again. It's been a long year and a dark one a that. I learned a lot about myself and how strong I can be. I can never thank God or my friends and family enough for helping me through this past year and putting up with me. I'm not ready to throw a return punch yet but I'm not laying on the mat anymore.
"Give thanks in all circumstances; for this is God's will for you in Christ Jesus." - 1 Thessalonians 5: 18
Thank you and God bless.
The Year of Close But No Cigar raged on with a lot of things in my life. I eventually got a job working construction for a few months and then a job as a barista at a bakery. They paid the bills and weren't awful, but they weren't anything exciting really. I turned 24 years old in April, officially in my mid-20s and what did I have to show for it. At that point I was single, poor, and working a part time job. If you know me any kind of well you know my real only definition of "success" in my life would be to have a family, a wife and kids, and be able to provide for them. It may seem like a life-given, and a basic and attainable thing but that's what I want. My love life has always been very up and down and has only resulted in one real relationship in my adulthood. 2014 was no different. I went on dates, I talked to girls and I thought I was close to something a few times. I guess just close but no cigar.
Then I got an offer from my friends in The Color Morale to go on Warped Tour with them to sell merch. I jumped at the opportunity because I love touring so much no matter what job I have while out on the road. I love Warped Tour and this summer was a shining light in an otherwise dark year. But even this light was fairly dim. As much as I loved the tour and the summer, everyday was riddled with what could of been. Mainly because on the tour was the band I used to play in. I was on Warped again but not in the fashion I thought I would be. At the Cincinnati date I joined them on stage and performed a song called "Dead." Realistically the oldest song we had as a band. I realize now that this was a turning point in my year. As I write this I'm struck with how symbolic the title of the song is. Dead were the the things I did the year before. Not a despicable death but finally laying them to rest. I wasn't immediately cured of all poor feelings because, as most deaths, there is a mourning period. And if you really loved something it will always be with you surfacing every so often. But my negative feelings and sadness were beginning to lift. Life may have knocked me down but I was starting to pick myself up off the mat.
While I was out for the summer the lease on my place back home ran out and Jesse and my dad moved us out of our place and put all of my things into a storage unit. For the next four months I lived on peoples couches and out of my car. I can't thank God enough for putting people into my life that would let me do this. I am very blessed. However, over this four month period that felt like an eternity, I was constantly looking for places to live. No matter what house I found, though, things kept falling through. Whether it was more expensive than I thought, whether it was in a worse neighborhood than I thought, whether it was smaller than I thought, or even whether if one of my potential roommates had to bail, something kept getting in the way of moving into a new place.
This was not my first time living by the grace of my friends so I was very aware that I could learn a lot from this season in my life. Once I got beyond the bitterness of yet another roadblock in me achieving anything desirable in this mess of a year things started looking up. I made it my goal to get my mind to a place that wasn't hinging on the circumstances in my life. It's funny how my life the past three years has centered around revelations surrounding this verse:
"Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding. In all your ways acknowledge Him and He shall direct your paths." - Proverbs 3: 5-6
I was reading a portion of Donald Miller's book, "Father Fiction," the other day. He goes into the loving nature of God our father. With the analogy of our earthly fathers relating to their children. Just because a child wants something does not mean it is good for him. Just because I asked my dad for a plate of chocolate chip cookies doesn't mean he had to give them to me. And if I disobeyed and reached up myself he would more than likely slap my hand away. Not because he's mean or doesn't love me but because he knows if I eat a whole batch of chocolate chip cookies I would soon be ralphing it all up from a sugar overkill. And if I was able to sneak one behind his back and he found out then I was for sure headed for time out. This whole year was full of me asking God for things, and wondering why he kept teasing me with these things and taking them away from me. When I really look back he wasn't teasing. He tried to remove these things in my life that were not good for me and I still pursued them and was able to get close to them myself. Until ultimately, when my hand got close to the cookies, he would slap my hand back.
Those punches I thought I was taking this year were just his guiding hand slapping me back into place. And some of these dark times I went through was me just being put into time out. I always forget this and have to relearn it when I come back to these adversities, but sometimes God needs to cut off some of the branches from your tree of life because they are detrimental to your well being. It will hurt, it can be seemingly catastrophic but it is to remove the things infecting you.
I have a really great job now that I never thought I would be doing and could never do if I was still touring. That's not to say I'll never go on the road again because who really knows but I'm stable now. I live in a nice place with two of my very good friends and I'm comfortable now. I'm happy again. It's been a long year and a dark one a that. I learned a lot about myself and how strong I can be. I can never thank God or my friends and family enough for helping me through this past year and putting up with me. I'm not ready to throw a return punch yet but I'm not laying on the mat anymore.
"Give thanks in all circumstances; for this is God's will for you in Christ Jesus." - 1 Thessalonians 5: 18
Thank you and God bless.
Close But No Cigar (Part I)
I learned how to take a punch considerably early in my life. And, in a weird way, for that I am thankful. Not because I knew that I could fight or defend myself; if I never have to take or throw a punch ever again I'll be eternally grateful. But more so for the fact that it taught me that pain, for the most part, is temporary. And it taught me that something that could be so loving could, in an instant, knock you down. This past year has been one haymaker of a punch after another. Thankfully not in the literal form, however that, more than likely, would be an easier occurrence to deal with.
One of my best friends, Jesse, has this tradition for New Year's. It's not anything he can control, and it's not something he does, but it's an overwhelming feeling that washes over him. Every year, either on New Year's Eve or the week leading up to it he gets some sort of sign of a name or title for the year to come. You could say it's more of a theme of how the year will be laid out. In the past he had a year named, "The Year of Flight." Subsequently, that year he flew all over the country, traveling a lot in order to visit a ton of family and friends he hadn't seen in quite some time. Another year the year was named "The year of Unexpected Surprises." This year his whole life changed when he got offered an amazing job 2,000 miles away from home. So knowing this about him, and how the years almost always played out the way he would prophesy, I decided I would open myself up to a name for the upcoming year. Now these years are not always good obviously, because who's life is actually like that? So almost half and half Jesse has had both optimistic and ominous year monickers. For instance, "The Year of Sickness and Loneliness," was a year in which he battled many illnesses, physical and mental, all while being miles and miles away from anyone he grew up with or was intimately close to.
With that knowledge in hand I still sought after a banner to live under for the next year. Usually these names come to you as signs, in our case, passed down from God. I know some of you reading this might not believe in a God or a christian God or whatnot, but just pretend its the universe passing down these signs, or however you choose to interpret these supernatural occurrences. But it's after long periods of prayer with God in which you are talking with him about the last year of your life and discussing the impending uncertainty of the year lying before you. I prayed to God earnestly. I tried to be optimistic and turn His influence of the new year's title to something good for me. I had a very intense prayer session the night before New Year's Eve in an attempt to open up my eyes to whatever signs were going to come my way. My friend received his sign for the year of flight after he was driving and praying for the name of the new year and witnessed a hawk fly across the front of his car and almost hit his windshield and new that was his sign. I left the next morning after my night of prayer to run some errands before the festivities of the day got underway. And, I kid you not, right when I turned onto the main street near the house me and Jesse shared I saw this hawk swoop down over my car. It flew across the street hovering not much higher than the vehicles on the street and turned and headed the same direction as my car. It flew inches off the grass of the front lawns of the houses lining the road. It was keeping right in time with me and, as responsibly as I could while driving, I just watched him intently. Then all of the sudden if reached down and snagged a mouse right out of the grass and began to fly off with it.
At this point I was considerably pleased with what this meant for my year. God had used the same sign he used with my friend but this time in an even more forceful manner. The band I was in was beginning to take off and we had tours already scheduled all over the world for 2014. I knew God was showing me that my year was going to be full of flying all over the place and grabbing life by its meat and not letting go. Then, in the split second that my human brain could process all this, in the middle of all my elation, the hawk dropped the mouse. It must've not had a firm grip on it and it just fell right from it's claws. My heart sank a little. However, life was looking good, and there was still a hawk flying with my car, a sign that made for a positive looking year. I just felt sad for the hawk and said to myself, "Close but no cigar." Man if I just knew I was naming my year.
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Part II of this blog will be coming later tonight.
Thank you and God bless.
Thursday, January 16, 2014
POZ Road Blog: Beartooth (Update IV)
I did a series of Road Blogs for Property Of Zack on our tour with August Burns Red, Bless The Fall, and Defeater. Here's the fourth installment:
I know what you’re thinking, where was week four’s update?? Or, who is Beartooth?? Or, why am I reading something written by the bassist?? I’ll address the first of these because the other two hurt too much. Now, I turn these tour journals in on Thursdays. As many of you may know, for the majority of readers of Property Of Zack, and for all of its staff, last Thursday was our Thanksgiving Day. A day in which society shuts down to embark on a certain path of uncomfortable feasting with family and friends. Which eventually ends in a tryptophan endured coma. And there’s not much Americans enjoy more than a good excuse to not work and to, instead, indulge. S0 I have a lot to catch you up on. But don’t fret short attention spans; I’ll keep it brief… maybe.Last week was luckily spent amongst many family and friends seeing as how we spent the majority of it in the good ole Midwest. We had the immense privilege to play House of Blues Chicago two nights in a row and they were some of the most enjoyable shows of this tour so far. Plus it didn’t hurt that we all had a lot of friends and family that just so happened to be in the city at that time so it made it feel that much more comfortable. But it paled in comparison to actually going back to our home state, which we did right after Chicago.
It’s always great playing back at home on tour and we were able to play there twice in the same week. We happened to be scheduled to play Toronto, ON, CA on actual Thanksgiving Day. And it turned out that we had an off day between Cincinnati and Cleveland. So we coordinated with our vocalist, Caleb’s, parents and set up a big Thanksgiving feast back in our hometown of Columbus. The whole Defeater camp and a few stragglers from August Burns Red and Bless The Fall’s groups were able to make the trip up with us and joined in on the good time. It was two nights and a day filled with gluttony and ping-pong.
Be careful not to blind yourselves from the glare off my Father’s dome piece on the left there. Immediately after the Feast we had a show in Cleveland that was a good end-cap to our three days home. It was a little difficult to leave after sleeping in my own bed again but we had/have the rest of tour to finish up. Plus it made it easier that the day after our Cleveland show just so happened to be in Michigan on the Wednesday before the Ohio State vs. Michigan game. If you don’t like sports, football, or aren’t American I can understand you not having any idea what I’m talking about. However, to us Ohio and Michigan residents that tiny little football game means a great deal of pride. So our guitarist, and my stage right companion, Kamron, Elliot from Bless The Fall, and myself decided to have a little fun with Michigan and put our sporting dominance on display.
(It was Movember, don’t judge me by my moustache.) Luckily people that are really into music usually aren’t that into sports so I don’t think we alienated too many people with our brazen Ohio State “patriotism” behind enemy lines.
This was the last of our American shows before we headed up to Canada for two shows, in Toronto and Montreal. These shows were some of the biggest and most insane of this whole tour. We were very much taken aback by the response we received up there seeing as how we’ve only been up there once before and played in front of maybe 90 kids in each of those areas. It was a crazy experience to say the least and incredibly humbling to be able to play a different country and be able to have a family already set up there. This is an extra thanks to you Canada, we appreciate you.
Next up was our descent down the eastern coast and the beginning of our final stretch of shows to finish up this tour. Dates included playing in Defeater’s home area in Worcester, MA and that place did not disappoint in the least bit. I wouldn’t have been angry if it would’ve been a bit warmer, but it’s winter, what do I know. Next we played at Best Buy Theater in Times Square in NYC. Saying that is still a little surreal and knowing that our bands’ names were plastered on a marquee shooting across all of times square is something I never thought I’d see. As much of a headache as New York can be for a touring band, this was actually one of the easiest trips I’ve ever experienced in my years of touring. And turned out to be a lot of fun.
This capped off the cold shows of this tour as we began to head south where we played Asheville, NC, Atlanta, GA and last nights show in Jacksonville, FL. Asheville was a lot of fun I don’t think I’ve ever been to that town and it was really calm and inviting. A nice reprieve from the craziness that was NYC. And what would one of my journals be without me talking about food (Yeah, I know I talked about Thanksgiving earlier but that’s different. Leave me alone). Asheville also provided us with the food heaven that is the glorious Cook Out. If you’ve never been I suggest you drive to southeastern United States and get you some. It’s a place riddled with deep fried glory accompanied by a large slate of different types of milkshakes and other goodness.
We were tired but there is sheer jubilation in our hearts at that very moment as we emptied our wallets and filled our hearts (stomachs). Atlanta followed suit with the past two weeks and compounded on top of them. I can really only speak for myself on this issue but Atlanta was one of the most emotional and intense shows I’ve ever played and definitely the most on this tour for me. Maybe it was the spirit of The Chariot roaming around the halls of The Masquerade (the venue we played). I don’t know exactly why, I can’t pinpoint it, but something more than a band playing and some kids watching was happening in that room and I felt it with every ounce of me. To go off a little from my normal talking points, that’s the reason we love to do this. We as a band get up there to let it all out. And to know that the crowd of people in front of you, who are just like you or me, are letting it all out on the same level you are, is just the most unreal experience. Emotion and passion is what drives us.
We have one more week left of this tour now. As much as my body and mind are both worn out, I can surely say I’ll miss this tour. It has brought out some of the best of people and I thank you for that. But we can wait for my heartfelt and touching goodbye for next week’s installment, assuming that I’ll write another one. But for now stay street.
I call this photo “Snot Rocket.” Shot by Brad Heaton www.BradHeaton.Net
POZ Road Blog: Beartooth (Update III)
I did a series of Road Blogs for Property Of Zack on our tour with August Burns Red, Bless The Fall, and Defeater. Here's the third installment:
Welcome back to the third installment of my weekly tour journal for Beartooth’s tour with August Burns Red, Blessthefall and Defeater. This week has been a tiring one for us all. I hope you like hearing about long, late night drives because this week was chocked full of them. We’ve managed to start the week in warm and sunny Los Angeles, CA to today in freezing and snowy Minneapolis, MN.
So this week started with two shows in the LA area. One in Santa Ana and one in the heart of Los Angeles itself. As a band we had only been to that area once before and it proved to be just as crazy as the last time. It’s nice to feel at home 2,300 miles away from your bed and LA is becoming that for us. So to you guys down there mad props, thanks! The coolest part about the LA shows for me was the one we played right across from the Staples Center. There was a Lakers game that night also so the area was insane. There was a whole ESPN broadcast set up and everything. Kobe said he was gonna come out to the show but who knows man, I guess he was busy. So our merch guy, Vassar, just hung out with Kareem Abdul-Jabbar all night.
Next was San Francisco which is always a rad city to hang out in, and I have the added bonus of being a 49ers fan to make my visits there all that much cooler. After that started our trek across the majority of the United States. We went from San Fran all the way to SLC (granted we had an off day in between to drive some of the way). The drive was totally worth it too. It’s hard to say this to the fans in Pittsburgh on the second day of this tour but you guys were beat out for most insane show of the tour by the friends in Salt Lake. It was the first show of this tour without a barricade, which just made it so much fun for all of us. I know I can speak for all the guys in the band and say we had the times of our lives. Also sorry to whomever I hit in the head with the butt of my bass. Stage diving with an instrument can be rather difficult. We had ourselves a hell of a drive from there to Denver over night but it was totally worth it for views like these:
And if that drive wasn’t enough we then trucked through an 11 hour one to Des Moines, IA and ended up getting there about an hour before doors. Loaded-in, busted out a sound check and were done in time to actually relax for a second. Des Moines has been one of my favorite days of tour so far. Beyond the stress of trying to make it to the show on time, the city is really awesome and the kids that came to the show were even better. We did get our fat on again at a place around the corner from the venue called Zombie Burger. Three words: Chicken Fried Bacon. All these food places are going to make me 10 times poorer than I already am.
Remember when I said I would pepper in a pic of Caleb’s toenail that fell off? No? First time reading one of these? Well if you were getting hungry from me talking about food I’m sure I’ve quelled that urging now.
But anyways Des Moines was a lot of fun and now we’re in Minneapolis waiting for tonight’s show. It feels mighty good to be back in the Midwest, snow and all. Until next week!
POZ Road Blog: Beartooth (Update II)
I did a series of Road Blogs for Property Of Zack on our tour with August Burns Red, Bless The Fall, and Defeater. Here's the second installment:
Hey guys back again with another rambling update from our tour with August Burns Red, Blessthefall, and Defeater!
This week has been a weird one for sure. From big to small shows, and birthdays and injured toes. I’m a damn lyricist and you guys had no idea. A lot happened so this might be a lengthy one. But there will be a bunch of photos so you won’t get bored. Or you can just look at those and make up your own story for our past week.
But on the real this week has been insane. We played our first House of Blues date of the tour in Dallas and it was…. well, weird. It was insanely fun don’t get me wrong. The show was incredible and the crowd was gnarly, it was a blast. It was just the most surreal experience for me. Going from playing my first live show ever in January this year, and doing a house show tour to playing at a House of Blues 1,000 miles away from home. And people actually going to watch us specifically. Like I said, surreal.
This was also the show where Caleb’s toenail fell off. Let me retrace a few steps here. I believe it was the first day of tour when Caleb encountered a freak accident where he slammed our trailer door on top of his big toe. After much picking and poking over the next week or so the nail had left this world and moved on to the next and it came off right before we played. I’ll save you the gut-wrenching photo because we do have them. Maybe I’ll pepper it into a later update. This was also the day that we met some nice people who came to the Houston show and brought us a lemur to kick it with before we played. You know like King Julien from Madagascar? Still nothing? Okay here:
Isn’t she adorable? It was a very welcomed pick-me-up for the whole tour package.
We also played in a small room in Austin, TX with our buds in Defeater. It was one of the “Nites” for Fun Fun Fun Fest happening that weekend; basically an after party show. We played after Slayer so you could say we’re just as important or something like that. The show was a blast and at midnight it became our drummer Brandon’s birthday so he pampered himself with this heart attack of a burger from a food truck called Gordough’s around the corner from the venue.
That’s a burger with bacon, egg, cheese, cilantro, and guacamole all on a bun made of two donuts. I was literal heaven in food form. But that didn’t end the birthday celebrations. We had an off-day the following day and we drove to El Paso and hit up the quality establishment known as Hometown Buffet. We made a new friend that I’ve come to know as Gary:
And the whole crazy week came to a climatic peak when we had the incredible privilege of catching the last of Blink-182’s string of 10th Anniversary “Untitled” shows at the Wiltern in Los Angeles. We’re all little fan girls for that band; it playing such a huge part in all of our adolescent musical minds. I remember being nine years old and talking my mom into buying me Enema of the State and having my life changed. It was an epic night to say the least.
Now we start our string of California shows that should give me some more material for this next week but I’ll let you know all about that then. Until then, stay street.
POZ Road Blog: Beartooth (Update I)
I did a series of Road Blogs for Property Of Zack on our tour with August Burns Red, Bless The Fall, and Defeater. Here's the first installment:
Most of you guys probably have no idea who I am, and have only heard a few things here and there about my band. I’m usually fine being the guy behind the scenes that just does his own thing. But when I was asked to write up a tour journal for POZ I was all over it because I see myself as a modern day Dav Pilkey (look it up you might get the joke). But enough about that, I’ll go into this week’s update.For being a relatively new band playing out at shows we didn’t know what to fully expect before we started this full national tour with August Burns Red, Blessthefall, and Defeater. But what we ended up getting was the most high flying and intense shows I think I’ve ever even been to. And when I say high flying I really mean it. Since it’s a bigger tour we’ve been battling barricades the whole time. So instead of the normal crowd participation of stage diving we’ve taken it under our responsibility to learn how to fly. Whether it’s off of bars, kick drums, or even the PA speakers. And I think only one of us has hit the ground so far, so that’s a positive.Pittsburgh was insane:
Stole this from @bigprox_7’s instagramAlso check this video from our hometown friend @slaughterstatus:I feel like every band just showed up and were already best friends. Granted I think this is the 100th or 101st tour ABR and BTF have done together but that’s beside the point. We were all joking around and throwing stuff at the bands while they were playing on the second day. It’s rad to find the chemistry so quick.As for day-to-day for the band it’s been pretty routine so far. Wake up get to the venue. I find myself coffee or some crappy diner to eat at, while the other guys sleep forever. I get back and then we’ve started playing soccer in the venues and/or parking lots. I put on a little clinic and show everyone how its done score a few bicycle kick goals. Crowd goes wild. The usual.
On a more sensitive note, we really are incredibly grateful to be able to be out here on this tour. We are entirely humbled to have even been asked to participate. It’s unbelievable that we’re able to travel around this whole nation (and hopefully soon globe) and do what we love. This first week of this tour has been so eye opening for us all. To be with bands that have been doing this for so long and have done it successfully we have picked up a bunch of different tips that might help us hold onto some longevity. I can only hope that it continues.Now come out and watch us hurt ourselves some more.
Wednesday, December 18, 2013
Grace
Just going to warn you at the start here that this one gets a little technical for a second but I promise it's worth it. At least I think so.
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I'm afraid of a lot of things. Wether it's confined spaces or dark alleyways. Or weirder ones like, swallowing a pill and having it go sideways and lodging itself in your throat and then you either die or have this obstruction in your windpipe for the rest of ever. You know something logical and not crazy sounding at all. But fear is a rational emotion that every single human being has to deal with in their lives. Even those people that puff up their chest and say, "I ain't scared of nothin'." First of all you seem to be afraid of proper grammar. Secondly we all know you have a tiny inner squeal every time you see a spider scurry across your garage floor. No one is gonna think less of you. Long fear rant aside that's not really what I'm getting at. (I know, that's poor writing composition, but who cares, I'm a rebel.) What I'm getting to is one of the things I'm afraid of the most, and that's God's grace. You might be thinking to yourself, "How can he be afraid of something that absolves you of your troubles? That seems like the opposite of fear." Well, that's why I'm writing this, to explain a different type of fear, an intense sensation of uncomfortableness.
Over the past few weeks The Lord has been making the subject of his grace a focal point of my everyday thoughts. And helping me to really understand something that I thought I had a grasp on. For those of you who may not know God's grace is pretty much the central ideology of Christianity. In the fact that, when entering a relationship with Jesus, he first gifts you with his Grace and forgives you of every past transgression. And that's what's frightening to me, why am I permitted this? I'm fearful of this because my worldly mind doesn't comprehend the idea that I am granted this with really no work on my side. It says in the bible, to receive this gift, to receive this relationship, all you have to do is come to Jesus with a sincere heart and ask to join him. It's that simple, why am I allowed that? I don't deserve that at all. Everything you gain in this life is earned in someway or another except this gift that trumps them all. In Old Testament times the wages of sin was death and separation from him for eternity. Because you had sinned and gone against God you were not worthy of his presence. However, The Lord sent himself to Earth in the form of His Son and died upon the cross to absolve each and everyone of us that comes into a relationship with him of our sins. His death now serves as our death to sin. One of my favorite books in the Bible, Romans, explains the impact perfectly. (This is kind of a long excerpt so good luck.) :
"20 The Law came in so that the transgression would increase; but where sin increased, grace abounded all the more, 21 so that, as sin reigned in death, even so grace would reign through righteousness to eternal life through Jesus Christ our Lord. | 1What shall we say then? Are we to continue in sin so that grace may increase? 2 May it never be! How shall we who died to sin still live in it? 3 Or do you not know that all of us who have been baptized into Christ Jesus have been baptized into His death?"
(Romans 5: 20 - Romans 6: 3 NASB)
So, we can see that the impact of this grace is an overall changing of mindset and heart path. You think and see things differently. If you make this decision with a pure heart, your mindset and relations with the things you fumbled with in this world will change. You have died to sin so your heart will no longer justify you living in the same sin. That's the heart of conviction to me.
What I've been realizing recently over the past few weeks is that conviction and grace, though implicated into your life immediately, may not revolutionize the way you fully react in the world until you are fully humbled before The Lord. I've witnessed first hand very close friends of mine going through some of the roughest patches of their life recently. And others battling with issues that haven't surfaced in quite sometime. They've been brought to complete complete breakdowns emotionally and spiritually. It's given me pause and I've begun to reflect back on my darkest periods. And seeing no matter how much I would argue or shout at God he was there to extend his never-ending grace to me. And that brings me back to the fear within God's grace. In it's purest form it is a fear of the unknown. I have no earthly understanding of how, no matter how many times I go against God, he is there to accept me with open arms and pull me out of the pit I've put myself in.
It breaks my heart that my friends are going through the things they are, but I know from experience that no matter how difficult it might seem it is for the best. I'm a large proponent that Satan will attack those who are going to impact the world for Christ. He sees the potential in you just as God does however he wants to stifle you way before you can influence anyone. A very close friend and mentor of mine said it best, that in the end grace is not something to be earned it's just something that is. Simply it just exists. The Lord's love for us is immeasurable and his grace just is.
"14 Therefore, since we have a great high priest who has passed through the heavens, Jesus the Son of God, let us hold fast our confession. 15 For we do not have a high priest who cannot sympathize with our weaknesses, but One who has been tempted in all things as we are, yet without sin. 16 Therefore let us draw near with confidence to the throne of grace, so that we may receive mercy and find grace to help in time of need."
(Hebrews 4: 14-16 NASB)
Thank you and God bless.
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I'm afraid of a lot of things. Wether it's confined spaces or dark alleyways. Or weirder ones like, swallowing a pill and having it go sideways and lodging itself in your throat and then you either die or have this obstruction in your windpipe for the rest of ever. You know something logical and not crazy sounding at all. But fear is a rational emotion that every single human being has to deal with in their lives. Even those people that puff up their chest and say, "I ain't scared of nothin'." First of all you seem to be afraid of proper grammar. Secondly we all know you have a tiny inner squeal every time you see a spider scurry across your garage floor. No one is gonna think less of you. Long fear rant aside that's not really what I'm getting at. (I know, that's poor writing composition, but who cares, I'm a rebel.) What I'm getting to is one of the things I'm afraid of the most, and that's God's grace. You might be thinking to yourself, "How can he be afraid of something that absolves you of your troubles? That seems like the opposite of fear." Well, that's why I'm writing this, to explain a different type of fear, an intense sensation of uncomfortableness.
Over the past few weeks The Lord has been making the subject of his grace a focal point of my everyday thoughts. And helping me to really understand something that I thought I had a grasp on. For those of you who may not know God's grace is pretty much the central ideology of Christianity. In the fact that, when entering a relationship with Jesus, he first gifts you with his Grace and forgives you of every past transgression. And that's what's frightening to me, why am I permitted this? I'm fearful of this because my worldly mind doesn't comprehend the idea that I am granted this with really no work on my side. It says in the bible, to receive this gift, to receive this relationship, all you have to do is come to Jesus with a sincere heart and ask to join him. It's that simple, why am I allowed that? I don't deserve that at all. Everything you gain in this life is earned in someway or another except this gift that trumps them all. In Old Testament times the wages of sin was death and separation from him for eternity. Because you had sinned and gone against God you were not worthy of his presence. However, The Lord sent himself to Earth in the form of His Son and died upon the cross to absolve each and everyone of us that comes into a relationship with him of our sins. His death now serves as our death to sin. One of my favorite books in the Bible, Romans, explains the impact perfectly. (This is kind of a long excerpt so good luck.) :
"20 The Law came in so that the transgression would increase; but where sin increased, grace abounded all the more, 21 so that, as sin reigned in death, even so grace would reign through righteousness to eternal life through Jesus Christ our Lord. | 1What shall we say then? Are we to continue in sin so that grace may increase? 2 May it never be! How shall we who died to sin still live in it? 3 Or do you not know that all of us who have been baptized into Christ Jesus have been baptized into His death?"
(Romans 5: 20 - Romans 6: 3 NASB)
So, we can see that the impact of this grace is an overall changing of mindset and heart path. You think and see things differently. If you make this decision with a pure heart, your mindset and relations with the things you fumbled with in this world will change. You have died to sin so your heart will no longer justify you living in the same sin. That's the heart of conviction to me.
What I've been realizing recently over the past few weeks is that conviction and grace, though implicated into your life immediately, may not revolutionize the way you fully react in the world until you are fully humbled before The Lord. I've witnessed first hand very close friends of mine going through some of the roughest patches of their life recently. And others battling with issues that haven't surfaced in quite sometime. They've been brought to complete complete breakdowns emotionally and spiritually. It's given me pause and I've begun to reflect back on my darkest periods. And seeing no matter how much I would argue or shout at God he was there to extend his never-ending grace to me. And that brings me back to the fear within God's grace. In it's purest form it is a fear of the unknown. I have no earthly understanding of how, no matter how many times I go against God, he is there to accept me with open arms and pull me out of the pit I've put myself in.
It breaks my heart that my friends are going through the things they are, but I know from experience that no matter how difficult it might seem it is for the best. I'm a large proponent that Satan will attack those who are going to impact the world for Christ. He sees the potential in you just as God does however he wants to stifle you way before you can influence anyone. A very close friend and mentor of mine said it best, that in the end grace is not something to be earned it's just something that is. Simply it just exists. The Lord's love for us is immeasurable and his grace just is.
"14 Therefore, since we have a great high priest who has passed through the heavens, Jesus the Son of God, let us hold fast our confession. 15 For we do not have a high priest who cannot sympathize with our weaknesses, but One who has been tempted in all things as we are, yet without sin. 16 Therefore let us draw near with confidence to the throne of grace, so that we may receive mercy and find grace to help in time of need."
(Hebrews 4: 14-16 NASB)
Thank you and God bless.
Tuesday, August 27, 2013
Short-Sightedness
Just as a preface to this blog I want to make it clear that I am in no way claiming to be some kind of expert on this topic or really on theology in general. All I can really vouch for is that this is just the way that I see things, as is the case with all of my blogs.
Anyways, now that that is out of the way, I had a small/moderate/huge (subjective really) revelation yesterday. And it was on the controversial topic of women in the church and their role in leadership. Now, I also want to preface that I am the furthest thing from the expert on women. I feel as though most men are students in the back of that class just trying their hardest to pass the course. But, I've heard this topic come up in a bunch of different venues as of late. People from all sides of the table weighing in whether or not women should be allowed to be leaders in a church setting. This is a fastly multi-sided table. You have many differing view points. Whether its a Christian who is firmly against a woman leading their church or a Christian in that same church whole heartedly behind a female at the pulpit. I've heard the argument from people outside of any distinct religion asking the question of why women would be apart of a religion that "obviously" doesn't respect their influence and strength.
I'm going to keep this somewhat surface level, otherwise it would lead to a long drawn out blog of me stumbling through explaining the many different passages that seem to deny the legitimacy of a woman having any kind of headship in the church. That exercise would ultimately lead to a "blind leading the blind" scenario.
So, the way I see it the core of the apparent "contradiction" that the written word of the Bible and many modern day churches have comes down to very different cultural settings. And trust me I know this point has been brought up many, many times and eloquently done so. All I'm trying to do is give, maybe, another avenue of understanding exactly what is at work here.
The ideology that The Lord does not value the role of women as highly as men is extremely bogus. And any man that claims that a woman is lesser than you is lying straight to his own face. As a man I feel I can speak on behalf of our whole knuckle-dragging gender in saying that without women we would be utterly lost in life. They are the leaders in a whole host of areas. But that is another completely different topic that someone else can get into. What I'm getting at is women are important and have way more influence on the world than what we tend to give credit. And Jesus/God knows this and knew this plain as day. Jesus encountered many women on his time on earth. Whether it was the woman that poured perfume on his head or the prostitute at the well, Jesus had many miraculous encounters with them that turned them around in life and made them lights in our dark world.
I love the point Jim Henderson at Relevant Magazine brings up in his March 8, 2012 article entitled "Women: The Church's Most Wasted Resource":
"It’s a fact that Jesus did not choose a woman to be one of the Twelve, but it’s just as true that He did not choose a man to be the first person to witness and announce His resurrection. It’s also a fact that no women were included in the inner circle of three who were present with Him at Gethsemane and the Transfiguration, but it’s just as true that no women followers bear the shame of having denied Jesus publicly."
Anyways, now that that is out of the way, I had a small/moderate/huge (subjective really) revelation yesterday. And it was on the controversial topic of women in the church and their role in leadership. Now, I also want to preface that I am the furthest thing from the expert on women. I feel as though most men are students in the back of that class just trying their hardest to pass the course. But, I've heard this topic come up in a bunch of different venues as of late. People from all sides of the table weighing in whether or not women should be allowed to be leaders in a church setting. This is a fastly multi-sided table. You have many differing view points. Whether its a Christian who is firmly against a woman leading their church or a Christian in that same church whole heartedly behind a female at the pulpit. I've heard the argument from people outside of any distinct religion asking the question of why women would be apart of a religion that "obviously" doesn't respect their influence and strength.
I'm going to keep this somewhat surface level, otherwise it would lead to a long drawn out blog of me stumbling through explaining the many different passages that seem to deny the legitimacy of a woman having any kind of headship in the church. That exercise would ultimately lead to a "blind leading the blind" scenario.
So, the way I see it the core of the apparent "contradiction" that the written word of the Bible and many modern day churches have comes down to very different cultural settings. And trust me I know this point has been brought up many, many times and eloquently done so. All I'm trying to do is give, maybe, another avenue of understanding exactly what is at work here.
The ideology that The Lord does not value the role of women as highly as men is extremely bogus. And any man that claims that a woman is lesser than you is lying straight to his own face. As a man I feel I can speak on behalf of our whole knuckle-dragging gender in saying that without women we would be utterly lost in life. They are the leaders in a whole host of areas. But that is another completely different topic that someone else can get into. What I'm getting at is women are important and have way more influence on the world than what we tend to give credit. And Jesus/God knows this and knew this plain as day. Jesus encountered many women on his time on earth. Whether it was the woman that poured perfume on his head or the prostitute at the well, Jesus had many miraculous encounters with them that turned them around in life and made them lights in our dark world.
I love the point Jim Henderson at Relevant Magazine brings up in his March 8, 2012 article entitled "Women: The Church's Most Wasted Resource":
"It’s a fact that Jesus did not choose a woman to be one of the Twelve, but it’s just as true that He did not choose a man to be the first person to witness and announce His resurrection. It’s also a fact that no women were included in the inner circle of three who were present with Him at Gethsemane and the Transfiguration, but it’s just as true that no women followers bear the shame of having denied Jesus publicly."
Now why would Jesus go through all this trouble to involve women on such a large and important scale in his work here on Earth but not have them lead in a church setting. Now, we encounter where the dilemma of cultural differences comes into play. In the era of the world in which Jesus blessed us with his presence women were very much seen as lesser than men in all walks of life. They were the caretakers of the home, seemingly servants under the "all-powerful" man. It's for this reason, I believe, that Jesus didn't call the women to stand at the pulpit and teach. He knew that if they had they wouldn't have been shown the slightest light of day by any passerby or patron of that meeting. That's just how the world was. It wasn't that the women weren't capable of leading it was that the men would not have let them. So He worked with women in a different mission. I almost see them in a modern spy thriller being sleeper agents under cover having a more subtle and unseen influence that keeps everything on track in a much larger scope.
Fast forward to our modern day culture we see this role of women in the church hitting a conflict. This is because this seemingly barbaric view of women is just now becoming less and less common. Up until a few decades ago it was really no argument that the woman's place was back at home being the homemaker. All of this is not to say that it is wrong to be a homemaker, as C.S. Lewis said,
“The homemaker has the ultimate career. All other careers exist for one purpose only - and that is to support the ultimate career. ” However, with a surge in civil rights for women their role has increasingly become more and more equal to men. Women are CEO's and presidents and owners at multi-billion dollar corporations. They are congresswomen, governors, mayors. Long gone are the days of them not having a public sense of influence. As it should be, women are becoming equal to men in all walks of life. This is why I think there is no problem with a women leading in a church in this day and age. I understand why it wasn't possible before, but now is a time when women have an equal voice in the world and I see no problem in them teaching me or anyone else about the bible.
In one of the most controversial passages on this subject comes a great conclusion to my point:
"Nevertheless, in the Lord woman is not independent of man, nor is man independent of woman. For as woman came from man, so also man is born of woman. But everything comes from God."
1 Corinthians 11: 11-12
We're all human in the end. Let's just help each other and get past our own short-sidghtedness.
Thank you and God bless.
Thursday, July 4, 2013
Mind Heart and Spirit
There are some things that aren't really written. Just uncontainable thoughts and feelings that force themselves into something other than their dark hiding place inside someone's head or heart. This might seem like an over poetic view of what people see as gonzo journalism or beat writing, or what have you, but I see it as much more than that. It's an opening of something more than your inhibitions can even attempt to touch. It is what you're feeling and thinking all at the same time hitting the page at full trot and working side by side. Albeit a lot of the times it can end up being complete and utter nonsensical gibberish, but even beyond that it's more for the writer's experience anyway. It's their form of art and they are expressing their whole self as openly as they can muster. And the same as any other art there are going to be a good number of people that don't really "get it" or they "you know I see why people like it but it's just not for me."
I kind of feel like that's what's happening to me right now. I haven't written on this blog, or really anywhere for that matter, in almost a year. Until tonight when I got inspired by listening to a song and it made me really feel like it was time to open that door again. So I thought I'd fling it wide open. Not for anybody's sake. But to just feel this again. Feel what it's like to dictate in a more comprehensive way as to what goes on in my mind.
So I hope to start this up once more and give it more of a consistant pulse than with which it was operating before. Some of you read my first few blogs but I'd assume that the majority of you who will read this now are completely new. And to both of you, I hope you'll stick with me.
"Therefore if there is any encouragement in Christ, if there is any consultation of love, if there is any fellowship of the spirit, if any affection and compassion, make my joy complete by being of the same mind, maintaining the same love, united in spirit, intent on one purpose." (Philippians 2: 2 NASB)
Thank you and God bless.
I kind of feel like that's what's happening to me right now. I haven't written on this blog, or really anywhere for that matter, in almost a year. Until tonight when I got inspired by listening to a song and it made me really feel like it was time to open that door again. So I thought I'd fling it wide open. Not for anybody's sake. But to just feel this again. Feel what it's like to dictate in a more comprehensive way as to what goes on in my mind.
So I hope to start this up once more and give it more of a consistant pulse than with which it was operating before. Some of you read my first few blogs but I'd assume that the majority of you who will read this now are completely new. And to both of you, I hope you'll stick with me.
"Therefore if there is any encouragement in Christ, if there is any consultation of love, if there is any fellowship of the spirit, if any affection and compassion, make my joy complete by being of the same mind, maintaining the same love, united in spirit, intent on one purpose." (Philippians 2: 2 NASB)
Thank you and God bless.
Friday, February 3, 2012
Perfect 10
I didn't know how I wanted to start off this blog. I went back and forth deciding on the first word, debating, in my head, on what it should be. I didn't want to have it start with "I" because the last two had started with the same personalization and I didn't want to seem too self-centered. So I was going to start it with a relatable story on how the show 'Double Dare' has affected me now that I've grown and can look back on it analytically. Relate how the shows' final hurdle of competition, a super sloppy obstacle course, shows how we go through life struggling in the mess of the world on this mad dash to the finish. It seemed so personal and poignant for the majority of people that would actually read this blog, albeit few and far between. I even go about my writings with a sort of pseudo-intellectualism. Using 'big' words that I have in my quiver of vocabulary but seldom equip in my daily life; leaving people that know me personally to ponder if I am just puffing up this work to seem more learned. I'll be the first to admit I never thought I'd ever have the balls to write down what goes on in my head all day, not to mention writing it down in some fucking online blog for the world to see. (And yes the "world" reads this; I am the beacon of hope to the lost majority.) And I'm no literary genius, anybody who got at least an A in a high school English course could point out hundreds of mistakes I've already made up to this point. Nevertheless, I harp on these aspects of writing, especially on such a public forum. I get so wrapped up in trying to make this blog "perfect" for everybody to read. To make it revolutionary to your lives. Spark a fire in your soul that has been lying dormant for years just waiting for me to come along and agitate that damned thing. I wanted this to be a forum to, 1. get my thoughts out of my skull, 2. have some sort of creative outlet, and 3. be a source of wisdom and conviction in the readers', your guys’, lives. I was so dead set on this "perfection" that I battled over the beginning of this shit for a solid while waiting to pour this out.
Perfection is a weird thing in our world and in our lives. There are competitions, such as the Olympics and X-Games, where judges will score you 1-10 on how you performed. Ten, the numerical equivalent to "perfection" in today's world. Yet to me perfection is something I will never achieve. Not because I don't want it, but because I know it is impossible for us to accomplish. As it says in James 3: 2,
"We all stumble in many ways. Anyone who is never at fault in what they say is perfect, able to keep their whole body in check." (NIV)
Can anyone that is reading this, whole heartedly say to me that they can control all aspects of their body, mind, and actions? Yeah, I can't either. But, that is completely okay! Over the past few weeks I've realized that it's awesome not being perfect (not that I thought I ever was by the way). All I'm saying is that if I was perfect I would be automatically the best at anything I tried, because, as I said previously, I'm fuckin' perfect man....... That's incredibly boring to me. There is nothing more I value in life than the experiences I have trying to better myself and adventure that accompanies. Most important of all its having to rely on God's guiding hand in all of my escapades. If I were perfect in this world I would not need the Lord. My relationship is strong because of this fact. I am fallen, THEREFORE, I NEED God. And in that relationship I am perfect. Not as seen by this world, mind you, but I am seen as perfect to God.
I was actually given a very inspirational passage that pertains to this very situation by a friend of mine in a note I received on my last night in Columbus. The passage was Phillipians 3: 12-15, it says:
"Not that I have already obtained this or am already perfect, but I press on to make it my own, because Christ Jesus has made me his own. Brothers, I do not consider that I have made it my own. But one thing I do: forgetting what lies behind and straining forward to what lies ahead, I press on toward the goal for the prize of the upward call of God in Christ Jesus. Let those of us who are mature think this way, and if in anything you think otherwise, God will reveal that also to you." (ESV)
I guess this verse serves as a segue to the conclusion of this blog, and I find myself returning to my very personable analogy from the beginning, that sloppy obstacle course. I now can picture myself geared up in my helmet and matching 'Double Dare' elbow and knee pads, readying myself for the biggest challenge my young life has ever faced. And as I complete each stage amass the undeniable slop, I put it in the past keeping my eyes ever focused on the end goal taking each obstacle as they come. And that's how I feel that we should live our lives. We start at the beginning of our lives/obstacle course, and we continuously face these hardships and aptly named obstacles in our lives. However hard they might be they can seem penetrable as long as we know what we're fighting for. What we are rushing towards. We should be sprinting towards Christ dealing with life in our best impersonations of Jesus as we can. Then we won't be dragged down by each obstacle because we can see the ever-present finish line.
For that reason, don't let the strive for perfection in this world rule you, for you are already perfect in the eyes of the Lord. Strive to be Christ-like, which is the human embodiment of perfection. And don't be discouraged that you can't achieve it, Christ is there as an unreachable example but also a sign of hope; that there is perfection out there and that perfection is our God.
Again I say, go enjoy life. And as my friend Jesse likes to say, "Go make stories and have barbecues!"
Thank you and God bless.
Thursday, January 12, 2012
It'll Be Good
I had a dream a few months back. I was running through a field on the edge of the woods. It seemed to be in the very early hours of the morning seeing as there was plenty of dew on the grass being trampled beneath my bare feet. However, there wasn't a single sign of the sun in any direction. You might be wondering what I was running from. Admittedly, I was hanging on this same question inside the dream. After a good while of exasperating sprinting I decided to look back and survey my pursuer. As silly as it sounds I found that I was being chased by an infuriated pack of sheep. Sheep...... Okay. I was confused as to why I was running but I had this overwhelming sense that I did not want them to catch up to me, so I continued hauling ass. As soon as I turned back my gaze to the path ahead I saw one of those random park bathroom facilities. I made my way as quick as possible to the stone oasis in front of me, and found cover in what can only be described as a dimly lit hallway between the men's and women's sides respectively. I thrust my body against the cement wall breathing excessively at this point. Almost immediately I spotted, out of the corner of my eye, a full grown lion heading into the hallway. And before I could think I found myself pinned against the wall with this lion roaring straight into my face. Even though this event sounds horribly terrifying I felt nothing but an overwhelming peace. And sure enough I watched the indignant sheep pass right by paying us no mind. Then I woke up, perplexed by the intensity and emotional realism of the dream.
For a while after I went out seeking interpretation of my dream from people in my community. I then came to the conclusion that the sheep I was fearfully running from were a representation of my fears in this world. Whether it be fear of physical harm or detriment, or attack on an emotional level from the people I come in contact with; these sheep were the embodiment of my insecurities. I guess it goes along with the adage, of wolves in sheepskin. And very literally I was running from them. The lion that came to my rescue was the manifestation of God, as He often is. The most important clue of this being the Lord was the fact that I was very calm in his presence; even though there was an awesome display of his power right in front of my face. God then sent the overwhelming message that there was nothing to fear in this world as long as I had Him on my side.
This has been a theme over the past three or so years. God has come into my life and shown me that there is nothing to be afraid of in this life because he will protect me. It was hard at first for me to accept this because my paranoia and crippling fear had plagued me for the majority of my youth. It was a little over two years ago when I finally overcame this ailment. And ever since I've been reminded, in any instance that used to strike me with panic, that God had his hands carrying me through the circumstance. I think back now to Matthew 6 verse 27 which says:
"Can any of you by worrying add a single hour to your life?" (NIV)
This struck me very heavily when I first heard this. It's so easy for us to spend so much time worrying about things that are out of our control and eventually will not matter. I'm continuously filled with strength from this verse and verses like it. Nevertheless, I am only human and continue to struggle with how I feel inept to carry out the will God has over my life.
This, again, came to a head when I began planning my move out here to California. As I wrestled with the turmoil of whether or not to go and the possible outcomes of the move, the Lord gave me a word of encouragement. All he said to me was, "It'll be good." That's it and that's all. It seems to me that God likes to speak to me in the simplest of ways. There's an overwhelming allure to His brevity. It has shown me the power of His words. That a sentence comprised of three elementary words can bring about a sense of peace and determination that had been previously so unattainable. I knew whatever happened once I made this leap of faith, what ever outcome, that it was okay because I was following God. In turn, "It'll be good," has become my aphorism over the petrifying goings on of life.
If there's anything I hope you get out of this is that there is no reason to worry. Worrying has been shown to interfere in your sleep habits, appetite and relationships. It will not only make you feel physically unwell but I will inhibit you in experiencing the wonderful creation God has placed around you. Now, push your anxiety to the side and live life. Build friendships, strengthen bonds, see the world and most of all love God.
Thank you and God bless.
For a while after I went out seeking interpretation of my dream from people in my community. I then came to the conclusion that the sheep I was fearfully running from were a representation of my fears in this world. Whether it be fear of physical harm or detriment, or attack on an emotional level from the people I come in contact with; these sheep were the embodiment of my insecurities. I guess it goes along with the adage, of wolves in sheepskin. And very literally I was running from them. The lion that came to my rescue was the manifestation of God, as He often is. The most important clue of this being the Lord was the fact that I was very calm in his presence; even though there was an awesome display of his power right in front of my face. God then sent the overwhelming message that there was nothing to fear in this world as long as I had Him on my side.
This has been a theme over the past three or so years. God has come into my life and shown me that there is nothing to be afraid of in this life because he will protect me. It was hard at first for me to accept this because my paranoia and crippling fear had plagued me for the majority of my youth. It was a little over two years ago when I finally overcame this ailment. And ever since I've been reminded, in any instance that used to strike me with panic, that God had his hands carrying me through the circumstance. I think back now to Matthew 6 verse 27 which says:
"Can any of you by worrying add a single hour to your life?" (NIV)
This struck me very heavily when I first heard this. It's so easy for us to spend so much time worrying about things that are out of our control and eventually will not matter. I'm continuously filled with strength from this verse and verses like it. Nevertheless, I am only human and continue to struggle with how I feel inept to carry out the will God has over my life.
This, again, came to a head when I began planning my move out here to California. As I wrestled with the turmoil of whether or not to go and the possible outcomes of the move, the Lord gave me a word of encouragement. All he said to me was, "It'll be good." That's it and that's all. It seems to me that God likes to speak to me in the simplest of ways. There's an overwhelming allure to His brevity. It has shown me the power of His words. That a sentence comprised of three elementary words can bring about a sense of peace and determination that had been previously so unattainable. I knew whatever happened once I made this leap of faith, what ever outcome, that it was okay because I was following God. In turn, "It'll be good," has become my aphorism over the petrifying goings on of life.
If there's anything I hope you get out of this is that there is no reason to worry. Worrying has been shown to interfere in your sleep habits, appetite and relationships. It will not only make you feel physically unwell but I will inhibit you in experiencing the wonderful creation God has placed around you. Now, push your anxiety to the side and live life. Build friendships, strengthen bonds, see the world and most of all love God.
Thank you and God bless.
Saturday, January 7, 2012
Lean Not
I feel like a fish out of water flopping around this strange place trying to regain something familiar and holding onto anything that is. I moved away from my hometown, where I lived for the first 21 years of my young life, three days ago now. I've never had something take so much out of me emotionally, physically and mentally than this jolt out of the norm. You might be wondering, then, why in the world did I make such a jump. It goes a little something like this.... HIT IT!
Growing up in my household was a pretty difficult thing for me. I know I had it much better than a lot of people, including ones close to me, but I can only react to what I know. I come from a pretty dysfunctional family. If somebody wasn't in some kind of feud or in some external problem it was a little, precious miracle. Whether it was siblings battling against siblings, or children against parents, or rebellious kids against the law, there was always something interesting, and usually detrimental, happening within our ranks. And I was very much apart of it and hopping on the train following the same tracks into my pubescent years. Luckily I found my best friend Mark early on when I was ten. He came from a family much like mine and thus made us perfectly compatible. Over the years we used each other as guiding ropes through the shitty waters we had to tread. Mind you none of this is to say that ,as we progressed with age, we did not participate in any of the dysfunction. However, I feel we approached it with a sense of consciousness and guilt our siblings didn't seem to carry. Now, when me and Mark first met neither of us were Christians and didn't come from houses of very strong faith. So what we knew of morality and right or wrong we drew from the repercussions we saw around us daily.
Freshmen year I met a few dudes named Jeremy and Josh that invited me to a church in Columbus that consisted of hundreds of home churches called Xenos. I had been searching for many anxiety stricken years to find the Lord and the home to learn about him. This church was perfect. It was contemporary and didn't hinge on "churching" yourself up for the Lord. It was a principle of "come as you are, the Lord already knows you" rang beautifully in my ears. After a couple of months I fell in love with the Lord and the church. In October of 2004 I took a walk with Josh and we prayed and I accepted Jesus into my life, changing my perception of the world and how I was to conduct myself.
This church became my home for the following five years. Growing me and molding me into a strong and knowledgeable man of God. However, I had a hard time still hearing God speak to me on a one on one playing field. I had convictions of sin and immorality which I now know was the Holy Spirit, but I never felt God's voice as strongly as I wanted. Then, in February of 2009, I was sitting in my weekly home group and I heard a teaching on Matthew 28. At this point in my walk I was dragging my ass in almost every aspect of life. I was going through the motions of a college degree I had no passion behind and I was aching for a true connection with the Word and with Christ again. When I heard this teaching one verse in particular stuck out to me, Matthew 28: 19-20:
"Therefore go and make disciples of all nations, baptizing them in the name of the Father and of the Son and of the Holy Spirit, and teaching them to obey everything I have commanded you. And surely I am with you always, to the very end of the age.” (NIV)
Right when I read this verse I couldn't hear anything else. All of the sudden the teaching didn't matter. What people were doing around me didn't matter. Day dreaming didn't matter. At that moment I was sitting right with God. And, as clear as I can say I've ever heard the Lord's voice, I heard Him say, "Go. Travel. Do my work." I was awestruck. However, right then I knew exactly how to follow his request. At this point my friends' bands were starting to tour all over the place. I had a glorious opportunity to hop on with my best friends in The Crimson Armada. But, there was a roadblock in the way, I was still in my first year of college. Not to mention I would have to drop everything such as any comforting source of income, food or shelter. And I would have to leave the church that was the security blanket throughout my whole Christian existence. But I knew what I needed to do. As a result I decided that I would finish out my first year of college and then become a touring bum. And that's what I did.
After having the tough conversations of explaining the decision and resulting actions to my parents and church, I began touring. I continued to do so for the next three years. It was probably the most difficult point of my life. The music industry is a fickle temptress and I didn't tour consistently through any of these years. I had to get jobs, knowing that they would only be for a while and staying with ones I hated because they let me tour from time to time. But no matter how poor I became, how difficult it was to exist on the road, how shitty the music industry was to my friends and subsequently me, I can say without a doubt it was the best three years of my life. I grew more and learned more about myself and my walk with the Lord than I ever had in the preceding five years. Dropping out of college and "Living The Dream" was the best decision I ever made.
In these three years Phil Shomo, his son Luke, my dear friends Jesse Burkett and Matt Hamparian, and myself created a small bible study in the Shomo's back yard that would later be called ShomoGroupTime. Despite all of our insanely farfetched brainstorming a very personable and challenging church arose. This group ended up being the greatest thing to come out of these three years for me. Having a community so focused on interacting with one another amongst the presence of God is something I will never take for granted. (But, as long-winded as this post has become, I won't dive to deeply into the inter-workings of the church.)
As time goes on life likes to throw in surprises and preposterous challenges. Until we end up in a continuous game of chicken with life's absurd agitations. Which will eventually end with one of the participating parties upside down in a ditch. I like to think I've held my own in a majority of these unfortunate pairings, however losing some battles here and there. The most recent and largest of my life came about over this past summer in 2011. Jesse had been hired onto a new company out in Los Angeles and it was a really incredible opportunity for him and he was excited to turn to this new chapter in his life. And Jesse, being the good friend that he is, saw to it that I had a place with him in this company. He brought up the idea to me on the back porch of our married friends, the Nelson's, condo in Westerville. At first I thought as cool as it sounded it wasn't anything I could see myself following through on. As the night calmed down a little bit and I sat there on the back porch in silence I had another very clear and very real encounter with God. And in the same concise manner as he approached me in the winter of 2009, I felt him say again, "Go." Just that simple.... GO! I could have never, in all my time on this earth, seen myself leaving the city of Columbus and the community I had come to know and love with all my heart. But again I knew what I had to do.
After months of hammering out the specifics of my move, one tour, moving in and out of a house, and splitting my sleeping time between a couch, futon and reclining chair, it was time for me to move away from everything I knew and into a city so set in its ways. Moving so quickly without me that throwing me into the mix was akin to tossing Droopy Dog into a foot race with the likes of Usain Bolt.
As much as I thought I had prepared emotionally for the move over the months leading up to it, the last week in my hometown was flushed full of sentimental moments, nostalgia and tears. But it resulted in me getting on the 6:55 p.m. flight out of Port Columbus and into the biggest risk of my life. And now I'm here and I'm scared and I'm lost. The only thing I really have that keeps me grounded and steadfast is the Lord.
"5 Trust in the LORD with all your heart
and lean not on your own understanding;
6 in all your ways submit to him,
and he will make your paths straight." (Proverbs 3: 5-6)
I thank all of you who consider me a friend. I am forever grateful to you and your never ending love and encouragement you've shown towards me. Just know that your texts, tweets, Facebook messages/comments, and phone calls mean everything to me.
Thank You and God Bless.
Growing up in my household was a pretty difficult thing for me. I know I had it much better than a lot of people, including ones close to me, but I can only react to what I know. I come from a pretty dysfunctional family. If somebody wasn't in some kind of feud or in some external problem it was a little, precious miracle. Whether it was siblings battling against siblings, or children against parents, or rebellious kids against the law, there was always something interesting, and usually detrimental, happening within our ranks. And I was very much apart of it and hopping on the train following the same tracks into my pubescent years. Luckily I found my best friend Mark early on when I was ten. He came from a family much like mine and thus made us perfectly compatible. Over the years we used each other as guiding ropes through the shitty waters we had to tread. Mind you none of this is to say that ,as we progressed with age, we did not participate in any of the dysfunction. However, I feel we approached it with a sense of consciousness and guilt our siblings didn't seem to carry. Now, when me and Mark first met neither of us were Christians and didn't come from houses of very strong faith. So what we knew of morality and right or wrong we drew from the repercussions we saw around us daily.
Freshmen year I met a few dudes named Jeremy and Josh that invited me to a church in Columbus that consisted of hundreds of home churches called Xenos. I had been searching for many anxiety stricken years to find the Lord and the home to learn about him. This church was perfect. It was contemporary and didn't hinge on "churching" yourself up for the Lord. It was a principle of "come as you are, the Lord already knows you" rang beautifully in my ears. After a couple of months I fell in love with the Lord and the church. In October of 2004 I took a walk with Josh and we prayed and I accepted Jesus into my life, changing my perception of the world and how I was to conduct myself.
This church became my home for the following five years. Growing me and molding me into a strong and knowledgeable man of God. However, I had a hard time still hearing God speak to me on a one on one playing field. I had convictions of sin and immorality which I now know was the Holy Spirit, but I never felt God's voice as strongly as I wanted. Then, in February of 2009, I was sitting in my weekly home group and I heard a teaching on Matthew 28. At this point in my walk I was dragging my ass in almost every aspect of life. I was going through the motions of a college degree I had no passion behind and I was aching for a true connection with the Word and with Christ again. When I heard this teaching one verse in particular stuck out to me, Matthew 28: 19-20:
"Therefore go and make disciples of all nations, baptizing them in the name of the Father and of the Son and of the Holy Spirit, and teaching them to obey everything I have commanded you. And surely I am with you always, to the very end of the age.” (NIV)
Right when I read this verse I couldn't hear anything else. All of the sudden the teaching didn't matter. What people were doing around me didn't matter. Day dreaming didn't matter. At that moment I was sitting right with God. And, as clear as I can say I've ever heard the Lord's voice, I heard Him say, "Go. Travel. Do my work." I was awestruck. However, right then I knew exactly how to follow his request. At this point my friends' bands were starting to tour all over the place. I had a glorious opportunity to hop on with my best friends in The Crimson Armada. But, there was a roadblock in the way, I was still in my first year of college. Not to mention I would have to drop everything such as any comforting source of income, food or shelter. And I would have to leave the church that was the security blanket throughout my whole Christian existence. But I knew what I needed to do. As a result I decided that I would finish out my first year of college and then become a touring bum. And that's what I did.
After having the tough conversations of explaining the decision and resulting actions to my parents and church, I began touring. I continued to do so for the next three years. It was probably the most difficult point of my life. The music industry is a fickle temptress and I didn't tour consistently through any of these years. I had to get jobs, knowing that they would only be for a while and staying with ones I hated because they let me tour from time to time. But no matter how poor I became, how difficult it was to exist on the road, how shitty the music industry was to my friends and subsequently me, I can say without a doubt it was the best three years of my life. I grew more and learned more about myself and my walk with the Lord than I ever had in the preceding five years. Dropping out of college and "Living The Dream" was the best decision I ever made.
In these three years Phil Shomo, his son Luke, my dear friends Jesse Burkett and Matt Hamparian, and myself created a small bible study in the Shomo's back yard that would later be called ShomoGroupTime. Despite all of our insanely farfetched brainstorming a very personable and challenging church arose. This group ended up being the greatest thing to come out of these three years for me. Having a community so focused on interacting with one another amongst the presence of God is something I will never take for granted. (But, as long-winded as this post has become, I won't dive to deeply into the inter-workings of the church.)
As time goes on life likes to throw in surprises and preposterous challenges. Until we end up in a continuous game of chicken with life's absurd agitations. Which will eventually end with one of the participating parties upside down in a ditch. I like to think I've held my own in a majority of these unfortunate pairings, however losing some battles here and there. The most recent and largest of my life came about over this past summer in 2011. Jesse had been hired onto a new company out in Los Angeles and it was a really incredible opportunity for him and he was excited to turn to this new chapter in his life. And Jesse, being the good friend that he is, saw to it that I had a place with him in this company. He brought up the idea to me on the back porch of our married friends, the Nelson's, condo in Westerville. At first I thought as cool as it sounded it wasn't anything I could see myself following through on. As the night calmed down a little bit and I sat there on the back porch in silence I had another very clear and very real encounter with God. And in the same concise manner as he approached me in the winter of 2009, I felt him say again, "Go." Just that simple.... GO! I could have never, in all my time on this earth, seen myself leaving the city of Columbus and the community I had come to know and love with all my heart. But again I knew what I had to do.
After months of hammering out the specifics of my move, one tour, moving in and out of a house, and splitting my sleeping time between a couch, futon and reclining chair, it was time for me to move away from everything I knew and into a city so set in its ways. Moving so quickly without me that throwing me into the mix was akin to tossing Droopy Dog into a foot race with the likes of Usain Bolt.
As much as I thought I had prepared emotionally for the move over the months leading up to it, the last week in my hometown was flushed full of sentimental moments, nostalgia and tears. But it resulted in me getting on the 6:55 p.m. flight out of Port Columbus and into the biggest risk of my life. And now I'm here and I'm scared and I'm lost. The only thing I really have that keeps me grounded and steadfast is the Lord.
"5 Trust in the LORD with all your heart
and lean not on your own understanding;
6 in all your ways submit to him,
and he will make your paths straight." (Proverbs 3: 5-6)
I thank all of you who consider me a friend. I am forever grateful to you and your never ending love and encouragement you've shown towards me. Just know that your texts, tweets, Facebook messages/comments, and phone calls mean everything to me.
Thank You and God Bless.
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