Perfect 10

I didn't know how I wanted to start off this blog. I went back and forth deciding on the first word, debating, in my head, on what it should be. I didn't want to have it start with "I" because the last two had started with the same personalization and I didn't want to seem too self-centered. So I was going to start it with a relatable story on how the show 'Double Dare' has affected me now that I've grown and can look back on it analytically. Relate how the shows' final hurdle of competition, a super sloppy obstacle course, shows how we go through life struggling in the mess of the world on this mad dash to the finish. It seemed so personal and poignant for the majority of people that would actually read this blog, albeit few and far between. I even go about my writings with a sort of pseudo-intellectualism. Using 'big' words that I have in my quiver of vocabulary but seldom equip in my daily life; leaving people that know me personally to ponder if I am just puffing up this work to seem more learned. I'll be the first to admit I never thought I'd ever have the balls to write down what goes on in my head all day, not to mention writing it down in some fucking online blog for the world to see. (And yes the "world" reads this; I am the beacon of hope to the lost majority.) And I'm no literary genius, anybody who got at least an A in a high school English course could point out hundreds of mistakes I've already made up to this point. Nevertheless, I harp on these aspects of writing, especially on such a public forum. I get so wrapped up in trying to make this blog "perfect" for everybody to read. To make it revolutionary to your lives. Spark a fire in your soul that has been lying dormant for years just waiting for me to come along and agitate that damned thing. I wanted this to be a forum to, 1. get my thoughts out of my skull, 2. have some sort of creative outlet, and 3. be a source of wisdom and conviction in the readers', your guys’, lives. I was so dead set on this "perfection" that I battled over the beginning of this shit for a solid while waiting to pour this out.

Perfection is a weird thing in our world and in our lives. There are competitions, such as the Olympics and X-Games, where judges will score you 1-10 on how you performed. Ten, the numerical equivalent to "perfection" in today's world. Yet to me perfection is something I will never achieve. Not because I don't want it, but because I know it is impossible for us to accomplish. As it says in James 3: 2,

"We all stumble in many ways. Anyone who is never at fault in what they say is perfect, able to keep their whole body in check." (NIV)

Can anyone that is reading this, whole heartedly say to me that they can control all aspects of their body, mind, and actions? Yeah, I can't either. But, that is completely okay! Over the past few weeks I've realized that it's awesome not being perfect (not that I thought I ever was by the way). All I'm saying is that if I was perfect I would be automatically the best at anything I tried, because, as I said previously, I'm fuckin' perfect man....... That's incredibly boring to me. There is nothing more I value in life than the experiences I have trying to better myself and adventure that accompanies. Most important of all its having to rely on God's guiding hand in all of my escapades. If I were perfect in this world I would not need the Lord. My relationship is strong because of this fact. I am fallen, THEREFORE, I NEED God. And in that relationship I am perfect. Not as seen by this world, mind you, but I am seen as perfect to God. 

I was actually given a very inspirational passage that pertains to this very situation by a friend of mine in a note I received on my last night in Columbus. The passage was Phillipians 3: 12-15, it says:

"Not that I have already obtained this or am already perfect, but I press on to make it my own, because Christ Jesus has made me his own. Brothers, I do not consider that I have made it my own. But one thing I do: forgetting what lies behind and straining forward to what lies ahead, I press on toward the goal for the prize of the upward call of God in Christ Jesus. Let those of us who are mature think this way, and if in anything you think otherwise, God will reveal that also to you." (ESV)

I guess this verse serves as a segue to the conclusion of this blog, and I find myself returning to my very personable analogy from the beginning, that sloppy obstacle course. I now can picture myself geared up in my helmet and matching 'Double Dare' elbow and knee pads, readying myself for the biggest challenge my young life has ever faced. And as I complete each stage amass the undeniable slop, I put it in the past keeping my eyes ever focused on the end goal taking each obstacle as they come. And that's how I feel that we should live our lives. We start at the beginning of our lives/obstacle course, and we continuously face these hardships and aptly named obstacles in our lives. However hard they might be they can seem penetrable as long as we know what we're fighting for. What we are rushing towards. We should be sprinting towards Christ dealing with life in our best impersonations of Jesus as we can. Then we won't be dragged down by each obstacle because we can see the ever-present finish line.

For that reason, don't let the strive for perfection in this world rule you, for you are already perfect in the eyes of the Lord. Strive to be Christ-like, which is the human embodiment of perfection. And don't be discouraged that you can't achieve it, Christ is there as an unreachable example but also a sign of hope; that there is perfection out there and that perfection is our God.

Again I say, go enjoy life. And as my friend Jesse likes to say, "Go make stories and have barbecues!"

Thank you and God bless.

It'll Be Good

I had a dream a few months back. I was running through a field on the edge of the woods. It seemed to be in the very early hours of the morning seeing as there was plenty of dew on the grass being trampled beneath my bare feet. However, there wasn't a single sign of the sun in any direction. You might be wondering what I was running from. Admittedly, I was hanging on this same question inside the dream. After a good while of exasperating sprinting I decided to look back and survey my pursuer. As silly as it sounds I found that I was being chased by an infuriated pack of sheep. Sheep...... Okay. I was confused as to why I was running but I had this overwhelming sense that I did not want them to catch up to me, so I continued hauling ass. As soon as I turned back my gaze to the path ahead I saw one of those random park bathroom facilities. I made my way as quick as possible to the stone oasis in front of me, and found cover in what can only be described as a dimly lit hallway between the men's and women's sides respectively. I thrust my body against the cement wall breathing excessively at this point. Almost immediately I spotted, out of the corner of my eye, a full grown lion heading into the hallway. And before I could think I found myself pinned against the wall with this lion roaring straight into my face. Even though this event sounds horribly terrifying I felt nothing but an overwhelming peace. And sure enough I watched the indignant sheep pass right by paying us no mind. Then I woke up, perplexed by the intensity and emotional realism of the dream.

For a while after I went out seeking interpretation of my dream from people in my community. I then came to the conclusion that the sheep I was fearfully running from were a representation of my fears in this world. Whether it be fear of physical harm or detriment, or attack on an emotional level from the people I come in contact with; these sheep were the embodiment of my insecurities. I guess it goes along with the adage, of wolves in sheepskin. And very literally I was running from them. The lion that came to my rescue was the manifestation of God, as He often is. The most important clue of this being the Lord was the fact that I was very calm in his presence; even though there was an awesome display of his power right in front of my face. God then sent the overwhelming message that there was nothing to fear in this world as long as I had Him on my side.

This has been a theme over the past three or so years. God has come into my life and shown me that there is nothing to be afraid of in this life because he will protect me. It was hard at first for me to accept this because my paranoia and crippling fear had plagued me for the majority of my youth. It was a little over two years ago when I finally overcame this ailment. And ever since I've been reminded, in any instance that used to strike me with panic, that God had his hands carrying me through the circumstance. I think back now to Matthew 6 verse 27 which says:

"Can any of you by worrying add a single hour to your life?" (NIV)

This struck me very heavily when I first heard this. It's so easy for us to spend so much time worrying about things that are out of our control and eventually will not matter. I'm continuously filled with strength from this verse and verses like it. Nevertheless, I am only human and continue to struggle with how I feel inept to carry out the will God has over my life.

This, again, came to a head when I began planning my move out here to California. As I wrestled with the turmoil of whether or not to go and the possible outcomes of the move, the Lord gave me a word of encouragement. All he said to me was, "It'll be good." That's it and that's all. It seems to me that God likes to speak to me in the simplest of ways. There's an overwhelming allure to His brevity. It has shown me the power of His words. That a sentence comprised of three elementary words can bring about a sense of peace and determination that had been previously so unattainable. I knew whatever happened once I made this leap of faith, what ever outcome, that it was okay because I was following God. In turn, "It'll be good," has become my aphorism over the petrifying goings on of life.

If there's anything I hope you get out of this is that there is no reason to worry. Worrying has been shown to interfere in your sleep habits, appetite and relationships. It will not only make you feel physically unwell but I will inhibit you in experiencing the wonderful creation God has placed around you. Now, push your anxiety to the side and live life. Build friendships, strengthen bonds, see the world and most of all love God.

Thank you and God bless.

Lean Not

I feel like a fish out of water flopping around this strange place trying to regain something familiar and holding onto anything that is. I moved away from my hometown, where I lived for the first 21 years of my young life, three days ago now. I've never had something take so much out of me emotionally, physically and mentally than this jolt out of the norm. You might be wondering, then, why in the world did I make such a jump. It goes a little something like this.... HIT IT!

Growing up in my household was a pretty difficult thing for me. I know I had it much better than a lot of people, including ones close to me, but I can only react to what I know. I come from a pretty dysfunctional family. If somebody wasn't in some kind of feud or in some external problem it was a little, precious miracle. Whether it was siblings battling against siblings, or children against parents, or rebellious kids against the law, there was always something interesting, and usually detrimental, happening within our ranks. And I was very much apart of it and hopping on the train following the same tracks into my pubescent years. Luckily I found my best friend Mark early on when I was ten. He came from a family much like mine and thus made us perfectly compatible. Over the years we used each other as guiding ropes through the shitty waters we had to tread. Mind you none of this is to say that ,as we progressed with age, we did not participate in any of the dysfunction. However, I feel we approached it with a sense of consciousness and guilt our siblings didn't seem to carry. Now, when me and Mark first met neither of us were Christians and didn't come from houses of very strong faith. So what we knew of morality and right or wrong we drew from the repercussions we saw around us daily.

Freshmen year I met a few dudes named Jeremy and Josh that invited me to a church in Columbus that consisted of hundreds of home churches called Xenos. I had been searching for many anxiety stricken years to find the Lord and the home to learn about him. This church was perfect. It was contemporary and didn't hinge on "churching" yourself up for the Lord. It was a principle of "come as you are, the Lord already knows you" rang beautifully in my ears. After a couple of months I fell in love with the Lord and the church. In October of 2004 I took a walk with Josh and we prayed and I accepted Jesus into my life, changing my perception of the world and how I was to conduct myself.

This church became my home for the following five years. Growing me and molding me into a strong and knowledgeable man of God. However, I had a hard time still hearing God speak to me on a one on one playing field. I had convictions of sin and immorality which I now know was the Holy Spirit, but I never felt God's voice as strongly as I wanted. Then, in February of 2009, I was sitting in my weekly home group and I heard a teaching on Matthew 28. At this point in my walk I was dragging my ass in almost every aspect of life. I was going through the motions of a college degree I had no passion behind and I was aching for a true connection with the Word and with Christ again. When I heard this teaching one verse in particular stuck out to me, Matthew 28: 19-20:

"Therefore go and make disciples of all nations, baptizing them in the name of the Father and of the Son and of the Holy Spirit, and teaching them to obey everything I have commanded you. And surely I am with you always, to the very end of the age.” (NIV)

Right when I read this verse I couldn't hear anything else. All of the sudden the teaching didn't matter. What people were doing around me didn't matter. Day dreaming didn't matter. At that moment I was sitting right with God. And, as clear as I can say I've ever heard the Lord's voice, I heard Him say, "Go. Travel. Do my work." I was awestruck. However, right then I knew exactly how to follow his request. At this point my friends' bands were starting to tour all over the place. I had a glorious opportunity to hop on with my best friends in The Crimson Armada. But, there was a roadblock in the way, I was still in my first year of college. Not to mention I would have to drop everything such as any comforting source of income, food or shelter. And I would have to leave the church that was the security blanket throughout my whole Christian existence. But I knew what I needed to do. As a result I decided that I would finish out my first year of college and then become a touring bum. And that's what I did.


After having the tough conversations of explaining the decision and resulting actions to my parents and church, I began touring. I continued to do so for the next three years. It was probably the most difficult point of my life. The music industry is a fickle temptress and I didn't tour consistently through any of these years. I had to get jobs, knowing that they would only be for a while and staying with ones I hated because they let me tour from time to time. But no matter how poor I became, how difficult it was to exist on the road, how shitty the music industry was to my friends and subsequently me, I can say without a doubt it was the best three years of my life. I grew more and learned more about myself and my walk with the Lord than I ever had in the preceding five years. Dropping out of college and "Living The Dream" was the best decision I ever made.

In these three years Phil Shomo, his son Luke, my dear friends Jesse Burkett and Matt Hamparian, and myself created a small bible study in the Shomo's back yard that would later be called ShomoGroupTime. Despite all of our insanely farfetched brainstorming a very personable and challenging church arose. This group ended up being the greatest thing to come out of these three years for me. Having a community so focused on interacting with one another amongst the presence of God is something I will never take for granted. (But, as long-winded as this post has become, I won't dive to deeply into the inter-workings of the church.)


As time goes on life likes to throw in surprises and preposterous challenges. Until we end up in a continuous game of chicken with life's absurd agitations. Which will eventually end with one of the participating parties upside down in a ditch. I like to think I've held my own in a majority of these unfortunate pairings, however losing some battles here and there. The most recent and largest of my life came about over this past summer in 2011. Jesse had been hired onto a new company out in Los Angeles and it was a really incredible opportunity for him and he was excited to turn to this new chapter in his life. And Jesse, being the good friend that he is, saw to it that I had a place with him in this company. He brought up the idea to me on the back porch of our married friends, the Nelson's, condo in Westerville. At first I thought as cool as it sounded it wasn't anything I could see myself following through on. As the night calmed down a little bit and I sat there on the back porch in silence I had another very clear and very real encounter with God. And in the same concise manner as he approached me in the winter of 2009, I felt him say again, "Go." Just that simple.... GO! I could have never, in all my time on this earth, seen myself leaving the city of Columbus and the community I had come to know and love with all my heart. But again I knew what I had to do.


After months of hammering out the specifics of my move, one tour, moving in and out of a house, and splitting my sleeping time between a couch, futon and reclining chair, it was time for me to move away from everything I knew and into a city so set in its ways. Moving so quickly without me that throwing me into the mix was akin to tossing Droopy Dog into a foot race with the likes of Usain Bolt. 


As much as I thought I had prepared emotionally for the move over the months leading up to it, the last week in my hometown was flushed full of sentimental moments, nostalgia and tears. But it resulted in me getting on the 6:55 p.m. flight out of Port Columbus and into the biggest risk of my life. And now I'm here and I'm scared and I'm lost. The only thing I really have that keeps me grounded and steadfast is the Lord.



"5 Trust in the LORD with all your heart 
   and lean not on your own understanding; 
6 in all your ways submit to him, 
   and he will make your paths straight." (Proverbs 3: 5-6)


I thank all of you who consider me a friend. I am forever grateful to you and your never ending love and encouragement you've shown towards me. Just know that your texts, tweets, Facebook messages/comments, and phone calls mean everything to me. 


Thank You and God Bless.