Grace

Just going to warn you at the start here that this one gets a little technical for a second but I promise it's worth it. At least I think so.

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I'm afraid of a lot of things. Wether it's confined spaces or dark alleyways. Or weirder ones like, swallowing a pill and having it go sideways and lodging itself in your throat and then you either die or have this obstruction in your windpipe for the rest of ever. You know something logical and not crazy sounding at all. But fear is a rational emotion that every single human being has to deal with in their lives. Even those people that puff up their chest and say, "I ain't scared of nothin'." First of all you seem to be afraid of proper grammar. Secondly we all know you have a tiny inner squeal every time you see a spider scurry across your garage floor. No one is gonna think less of you. Long fear rant aside that's not really what I'm getting at. (I know, that's poor writing composition, but who cares, I'm a rebel.) What I'm getting to is one of the things I'm afraid of the most, and that's God's grace. You might be thinking to yourself, "How can he be afraid of something that absolves you of your troubles? That seems like the opposite of fear." Well, that's why I'm writing this, to explain a different type of fear, an intense sensation of uncomfortableness.

Over the past few weeks The Lord has been making the subject of his grace a focal point of my everyday thoughts. And helping me to really understand something that I thought I had a grasp on. For those of you who may not know God's grace is pretty much the central ideology of Christianity. In the fact that, when entering a relationship with Jesus, he first gifts you with his Grace and forgives you of every past transgression. And that's what's frightening to me, why am I permitted this? I'm fearful of this because my worldly mind doesn't comprehend the idea that I am granted this with really no work on my side. It says in the bible, to receive this gift, to receive this relationship, all you have to do is come to Jesus with a sincere heart and ask to join him. It's that simple, why am I allowed that? I don't deserve that at all. Everything you gain in this life is earned in someway or another except this gift that trumps them all. In Old Testament times the wages of sin was death and separation from him for eternity. Because you had sinned and gone against God you were not worthy of his presence. However, The Lord sent himself to Earth in the form of His Son and died upon the cross to absolve each and everyone of us that comes into a relationship with him of our sins. His death now serves as our death to sin. One of my favorite books in the Bible, Romans, explains the impact perfectly. (This is kind of a long excerpt so good luck.) :

"20 The Law came in so that the transgression would increase; but where sin increased, grace abounded all the more, 21 so that, as sin reigned in death, even so grace would reign through righteousness to eternal life through Jesus Christ our Lord. | 1What shall we say then? Are we to continue in sin so that grace may increase? 2 May it never be! How shall we who died to sin still live in it? 3 Or do you not know that all of us who have been baptized into Christ Jesus have been baptized into His death?"
(Romans 5: 20 - Romans 6: 3 NASB)

So, we can see that the impact of this grace is an overall changing of mindset and heart path. You think and see things differently. If you make this decision with a pure heart, your mindset and relations with the things you fumbled with in this world will change. You have died to sin so your heart will no longer justify you living in the same sin. That's the heart of conviction to me. 

What I've been realizing recently over the past few weeks is that conviction and grace, though implicated into your life immediately, may not revolutionize the way you fully react in the world until you are fully humbled before The Lord. I've witnessed first hand very close friends of mine going through some of the roughest patches of their life recently. And others battling with issues that haven't surfaced in quite sometime. They've been brought to complete complete breakdowns emotionally and spiritually. It's given me pause and I've begun to reflect back on my darkest periods. And seeing no matter how much I would argue or shout at God he was there to extend his never-ending grace to me. And that brings me back to the fear within God's grace. In it's purest form it is a fear of the unknown. I have no earthly understanding of how, no matter how many times I go against God, he is there to accept me with open arms and pull me out of the pit I've put myself in. 

It breaks my heart that my friends are going through the things they are, but I know from experience that no matter how difficult it might seem it is for the best. I'm a large proponent that Satan will attack those who are going to impact the world for Christ. He sees the potential in you just as God does however he wants to stifle you way before you can influence anyone. A very close friend and mentor of mine said it best, that in the end grace is not something to be earned it's just something that is. Simply it just exists. The Lord's love for us is immeasurable and his grace just is.

"14 Therefore, since we have a great high priest who has passed through the heavens, Jesus the Son of God, let us hold fast our confession. 15 For we do not have a high priest who cannot sympathize with our weaknesses, but One who has been tempted in all things as we are, yet without sin. 16 Therefore let us draw near with confidence to the throne of grace, so that we may receive mercy and find grace to help in time of need."
(Hebrews 4: 14-16 NASB)

Thank you and God bless.